Islam Guidance

Importance of marriage from Islamic point of view

Importance of marriage from Islamic point of view

Islam has also attached great importance to the question of marriage in its social system. In the holy Qur'an and the sayings of the holy Prophet and the Imams we find that marriage has been greatly encouraged. The holy Prophet has been reported to have said: "No institution of Islam is liked by Allah more than that of marriage".

 Basic object of marriage

The basic object of marriage in Islam consists of:

 (a) Securing comfortable atmosphere for husband and wife

 (b) Producing a new generation and bringing up healthy, faithful and virtuous children.

 With regard to the first object the Qur'an says:

 "One of His signs is that He created for you spouses of your own species, so that you might find comfort with them, and He put mutual love and affection in your hearts. Surely in this there are lessons for the thinking people. " (Surah al‑Rum, 30:21).

 A Muslim husband and wife who follow the Qur'an should always be a source of comfort to each other. Their mutual relations should be far above mere sexual enjoyment and should reach the stage of cordial friendship accompanied by mutual benevolence and fellow‑feeling. (Ayatullah Ali Mishkini's "Marriage in Islam" published by ISP).

 On the basis of this verse the object of marriage should be the same as that of the creation of mates, that is husbands and wives. From the Islamic point of view marriage is not merely an instrument for legalizing sexual relations, but .it is an agreement which unites the very existence of the husband and wife and gives a new colour and a new rhythm to their life. It brings them out of real solitariness, turns them into a couple instead of single individuals and makes them complementary to each other.

 With regard to the second object the Qur'an says:

"He is the Creator of the heavens and the earth. He has given you partners from among yourselves, and (similarly made) the cattle (also) males and females. That is bow He multiplies you. Nothing can be compared to Him. He is the All‑bearing, the All‑seeing". (Surah al‑Shura, 42:11).

 The Islamic traditions regarding the choosing of wife stress one point viz. the proposed wife should be capable of producing children and should not be sterile. According to a well‑known hadith of his, the holy Prophet said: "Marry each other and produce new off‑spring so that your number may increase".

 Selection of a spouse one of the most critical questions connected with marriage and formation of a family is that of choosing the spouse. In this connection attention should be paid to the following points:

 • Freedom in the selection of wife or husband.

 • Equality between husband and wife, viz. each of them should be generally suitable to marry the other.

 • The criteria which should be kept in view to deter­ mine such suitability.

 • Persons between whom marriage is forbidden.

• Seeking the hand of the spouse in marriage.

Freedom in choosing husband or wife:

Freedom in choosing husband/wife is a principle to which Islam has paid much attention, for satisfactory conjugal life depends on intellectual, spiritual and moral compati­bility between the two spouses. This compatibility can exist only if both the parties are free in their choice and choose each other of their own free will after careful study and without any coercion. Otherwise their conjugal life cannot be expected to be smooth and satisfactory.

According to the Islamic canon law the first condition of the validity of a marriage contract is that it should be proposed by the woman and accepted by the man and both of them should act freely in the matter.

The Imams on various occasions, especially when they were consulted about the selection of a wife or a husband, emphatically stressed that the main condition of the validity of a marriage is the free consent of both the parties. No imposition is allowed in this respect.

A young man complained to Imam al Sadiq (P) that his parents were compelling him to marry a girl whom he did not like, whereas he was interested in another girl. He then asked the Imam what he was required to do in that case.

The Imam said: "Marry the girl you like".

In this connection it may be remembered that the parents must not compel their children to marry against their will

Consent of father to the marriage of a girl

The teachings of Islam recommend that the daughters should marry with the consent of their fathers. Many of the Muslim jurists consider this consent to be an essential condition of the marriage of the girls. In this connection the following points may be noted:

 (1) As a marriage establishes social contact between two families both the boys and the girls have been advised to consult their parents in regard to the selection of their future wives and husbands. Such consultation means showing respect to the parents and the recognition of the trouble taken by them in bringing up their children. It is also conducive to better understanding among the relatives of both the sides. Above all that, this is an appropriate way of benefiting from the personal experience and social knowledge of the parents, in regard to the selection of the life partner and appropriate conjugal behavior.

 (2) The parents have been urged that while guiding their children, they should take into consideration their real requirements and the new conditions in which they will have to live. They should understand that marriage in the first instance, concerns their children and the future life of theirs and not themselves (i.e. the parents).

 Hence at the time of such consultations, they should, in the first instance, pay attention to the basic and noble qualities, which the spouse of their child should possess, and not to those of the second or third degree, and should not be influenced by fictitious considerations like the wealth or the social position of the family of the bride or the bridegroom.

 (3) The jurists who consider the consent of father to be an essential condition of marriage, hold this view only in respect of the virgins. Evidently they give importance to this condition only because in their opinion the inter­vention of a loving and experienced father is of great value.

 (4) Even in the case of the virgins they hold that the consent of father is essential only so long as he tries to safeguard the interests of his daughter and does not impose his own will on her even though it may be against her interests. If it is found that father is bent upon imposing his will against the interests of his daughter, it is the duty of the authorities concerned to take notice of the case and, by virtue of the powers vested in a just Muslim ruler, to take proper action to safeguard the interests of the girl.

 Equality or general fitness for matrimonial alliance

The holy Prophet said: "Marry your equals; choose your partner in life from among them; and select best mothers for your offspring".

 In the societies having a tribal system usually every tribe asserts that it has certain distinctions and on their basis it claims to be superior to others. These fictitious claims sometimes assume the form of racial discrimination, just as the whites believe in their superiority over the blacks or the red‑skinned people and sometimes that of nationalism as found among certain nations of the modern world. In societies having class distinctions such claims are made by certain classes, such as the clergy, the military personnel, the businessmen, the politicians, the bureau­crats etc. One of the effects of such a claim is that the members of a family, a trade or a class are always restricted to marry only within their own circle, the other party must belong to one of the prominent and well‑known families. Marriage between a white and a black is forbidden. A son or a daughter of a cleric or a military officer, a businessman or a bureaucrat cannot marry a daughter or a son of a worker or a farmer. This undesirable practice is still more or less prevalent among the so‑called noble families. Such families are severely opposed to the marriage of their children to those belong­ing to low‑income and under‑privileged families not having a so‑called high profession.

 Islam denounces such discrimination. The holy Prophet is reported to have said: "The believers are equal to each other".

 Imam al Sajjad (P) chose a woman to be his wife and married her. He had an Ansar (a descendant of the Madinite companions of the Prophet) friend, who felt uneasy on account of the Imam having married a woman not belonging to any prominent family. But when on inquiry he found that she belonged to a respectable family of Bani Shayban, he was relieved of his worry. He came to the Imam and said:

 "I felt unhappy and dejected on account of your having married this woman and said to myself: `The Imam had married a woman who was not respectable'. The other people were also saying the same thing. At last I had to make investigations till I found that she belonged to the tribe of Bani Shayban".

 The Imam (P) said to him in reply:

 "I had been under the impression that you were more intelligent than I find you now. Don't you know that Islam has come to uplift the lower classes of society and to remove all inequalities. Now no Muslim is mean or low".

 As such in Muslim society descent, nationality, family position and similar other factors are no bar to the marriage between two Muslims who are otherwise fit to marry each other in accordance with the standards men­tioned below.

 Criteria of selection of a spouse:

 (1) Faith

The first criterion of the selection of a husband or a wife is his or her faith ‑ faith in Islam and the way of life to which it has called humanity. Islamic society is an ideolo­gical one. In every such society faith in its ideology is the main orbit of its life. It is the motivating force which pushes that society toward the goals which it has ‑set before it. That is why while devising any social system or law it has to take into consideration all the factors which may strengthen or weaken faith in its ideology.

 In our foregoing study we said that from the point of view of Islam the object of marriage is not merely sexual enjoyment, but is also the formation of a healthy family atmosphere so that:

 • The husband and wife may live in mutual love, affection and understanding;

• They may create an appropriate environment for the birth and growth of the children who may prove more mature and active members of the ideological society of Islam.

 It is evident that these two objectives can be achieved if both the husband and the wife believe in Islam and practice its teachings to the maximum extent.

 Sometimes it is seen that some people tend to maintain in the name of broad‑mindedness, liberality and tolerance, that disparity in religion should not be an obstacle in the way of marriage between a man and a woman. According to them why should there be an objection if a Muslim believer marries a woman who does not believe in Allah or in the Qur'an and the Prophet of Islam, or alternatively a Muslim woman marries an atheist or one who does not believe in Islam and the Qur'an?

 Such questions instead of being a sign of broad‑mindedness and liberality usually show that the people who raise them have no idea of the significance of marriage which we mentioned above, nor are they aware of the real import of religion, especially Islam.

 If religion means, as the word itself signifies, a particular way of life, and if marriage is meant to be a heart‑warming spiritual tie which may create an atmosphere of cordiality and coherence for both husband and wife, then how can it be possible that two persons believing in two different religions and two different ideologies should be able to create such a tie and such an atmosphere?

 Practical experience has shown that marriages of this kind gradually end either in the slackness of both the spouses, or at least one of them, in the practice of their religion, or in the coolness and incompatibility of their mutual relations. In either case there is a great threat to an ideolo­gical society as well as to the happiness of the husband and wife concerned. Besides, there is a far bigger threat to the faith and prosperity of their children.

 Really it cannot be expected that the children born and brought up in a bi‑religious family will be true believers in the path of Islam.

 (2) Morality

Unity ‑in faith of the husband and the wife is an essential condition of marriage, but is not the only condition. Attention should be paid to other questions also, especially to the moral aspects of the spouse.

 One of the companions of the tenth Imam says:

 I wrote a letter to Imam Abu Ja'far, asking him some questions about marriage.

 In his reply the Imam wrote:

 "The holy Prophet has said: As soon as a suitor, who is religious and with whose manners you are satisfied, comes to you asking for matrimonial alliance take action to accomplish marriage with him. If you will not do so, you will have deviated from the right path and may be faced with a great crisis".

 Another companion of the Imam wrote to him on this very subject. In reply the Imam wrote back:

"If you are satisfied with the religiousness and uprightness of a suitor, do marry. Otherwise . . . . . . ".

 In two other narrations Imam al Sadiq (P) has stressed the chastity and continence of the spouse.

 (3) Financial competence

A Muslim man has to provide means of living to his wife and children. Hence it is essential that he should have enough means beforehand to discharge this responsibility.

 Imam al Sadiq (P) is reported to have said:

 "A suitable husband is he who is chaste and has financial competence".

 (4) Compatibility

Compatibility and similarity in the ideas and wants of the husband and the wife is one of the most effective factors in making a marriage successful. With compatibility there is little chance that any serious differences will arise between them. If on any occasion there should be a difference in their views they can sort out the problem easily. As such it can be hoped that their married life will be happy and satisfactory. Otherwise a marriage accom­panied by permanent clash between the husband and the wife, can ruin not only their life, but also that of their children and close relatives.

 Only those husbands and wives live a satisfactory and happy married life who:

 • Realize the concept of human marriage;

 •Are not only partners in life, but are also benevolent friends and faithful associates;

 • Deem it necessary to co‑operate with each other in every respect;

 • Refrain from every kind of arrogance and haughtiness in their mutual dealings;

 • Respect their reciprocal rights and try to please each other.

 How to select a suitable spouse

There is no doubt that it is essential to make enough investigations about a prospective husband or wife to ensure that he or she is fit in every respect to conclude a strong everlasting contract.

 A hasty action impelled by the impact of the emotions of youth or imposed by the pressure of the relatives is likely to cause inconvenience and trouble subsequently. Anyhow, useful and reasonable investigations should not be mixed up with the wanton custom of courtship. Such unrestrained intimacy, howsoever an enchanting name may be given to it, cannot be allowed, for mostly it does not aim at marriage and formation of a family.

 In this respect a middle course, removed from the two opposite extremes, must be adopted and that is the course which has been recommended by Islam.

 A man asked Imam Ja'far al Sadiq (P):

 "Is it permissible that one should see the woman he wants to marry and look at her hair and other charms?" The imam answered:

 "Yes there is no objection provided there is no lustful intention".

 Persons between whom marriage is forbidden

A person who cannot enter into marital relations with a person of the opposite sex in deference to the relation­ship already existing between them is called mahram.

 Perhaps the idea behind this rule is that family relations at certain level, such as those between brother and sister, father and daughter or son and mother, should be kept absolutely apart from the field of sex.

 Mahrams whose inter‑marrying is not valid are generally divided into three categories:

 (1) Those having blood relationship are consanguineous mahrams.

 (2) Those having relationship in virtue of nursing which is established on fulfilment of some special conditions and is in fact a sort of acquired blood relationship are foster Mahrams.

 (3) Those having relationship in virtue of a marriage are mahrams on the ground of affinity.

 Rules regarding the prohibition of marriage on the grounds of consanguinity and affinity exist with certain variations

 either in the law codes or conventional customs of all nations. Only some communities for certain special reasons, such as maintaining the purity of their blood and preserving their family or racial characteristics, have recommended inter‑marrying among close relatives, but nowadays such instances are extremely rare.

 Consaguineous mahrams

Seven categories of persons are debarred from inter­marrying on the ground of blood‑relationship. The details are as under:

 A man cannot marry his:

 Mother (includes grand‑mother)

daughter (includes her descendants)

Sister

Sister's daughter and her descendants

Brother's daughter and her descendants

Paternal aunt (include aunts of father)

Maternal aunt and mother

 A woman cannot marry her:

 Father (includes grand‑father)

Son (includes his descendants)

Brother

Brother's son and his descendants

Sister's son and his descendants

Paternal uncle including uncles of father

Maternal uncle and mother.

 Foster‑mahrams

Fosterage under specified conditions induces the same limits of relationship prohibitive of marriage as consanguinity.

 Mahrams on account of affinity

Five categories of persons are debarred from intermarry­ing on the ground of affinity or relationship created by marriage. The details are as under:

 A man cannot marry his:

 Mother‑in‑law

Daughter‑in‑law

Step‑mother

Step‑daughter

Wife's sister

 A woman cannot marry her:

 Father‑in‑law

Son‑in‑law

Step‑father

Step‑son

Sister's husband

 A man is debarred from marrying his wife's sister only so long as the other sister continues to be his wife. If that relationship terminates as the result of death or divorce, there is no objection to his marrying a sister of his former wife. Hence in this case prohibition is not permanent. That is why wife's sister is not regarded as mahram for the purpose of looking at her or meeting her.

 Contracting marriage

According to the Islamic canon law the parties concerned can, in the presence of all other essential conditions, contract marriage direct and exchange the formula prescribed for this purpose, provided they are adult, mature and of good judgment. For marriage it is not essential to appoint an attorney if the parties themselves can contract it properly.

 After a complete agreement is arrived at in regard to conditions etc, a marriage contract is normally initiated by the woman. This shows that a Muslim woman is fully free in choosing her husband and it is up to her to contract marriage. Then the man (husband) accepts marriage with the conditions agreed upon. At first the woman proposing the contract of marriage, says to her future husband:

 "I gave myself in permanent marriage to you with the dower fixed (according to the conditions agreed upon)". The same may be expressed in Arabic thus:

 "Ankahtoka nafsi alas‑sidaaqilma`loom"

 or

 "Zawwajtoka nafsi alas‑sidaaqilma`loom"

 Then the man announces his acceptance and says "I accepted" or "Qabil tun nikaha" or "Qabil tut tazwija".

 As already pointed out, a girl cannot be given in marriage against her will nor can she be compelled to say "Yes" by force, threat or holding out a bait. Similarly a boy also cannot be forced to marry any girl whom he does not like. As a rule any contract concluded through force or com­pulsion is void.

 Financial independence of woman

We know that in the social system of Islam women like men are financially independent. They can earn money by lawful means. They have full control over their property and can dispose off the same as they like.

 The Qur'an says:

" . . . . . . . . The men shall have the benefit of what they earn and the women shall have the benefit of what they earn . . . . . . . ". (Surahal‑Nisa, 4:32).

 As for what domestic work the women do in the house of their husbands, it depends entirely on their own will, desire and inclination. From religious and legal point of view there is no compulsion.

 The Qur'an says in the Surah al‑Nisa: "Give the women their dowry as a free gift". (4:4).

 In the marriage contract the husband undertakes to present a suitable gift to his wife. This gift is not to be regarded as a price of the woman's body nor has the characteristic of a recompense for her services in the household, or something to fall upon in future in the case of separation or death. It is just a gift and if she so desires, it may be presented to her forthwith. That is why in the verse quoted above it has been expressed by the word, `nihlah ; that is, free gift. In the Qur'an the word. `Sadaaq' has been used for dower. This expression implied that dower is a sign of man's sincerity in love and in his offer of marriage. The dower is in fact a means of showing man's respect to his future wife.

 Lightness of dower

The leaders of Islam have emphatically recommended that the amount of dower should be kept light and the other marital conditions easy. The women who demand heavy dower and are not willing to enter into a marriage contract without stipulating strident financial conditions, have even been described as inauspicious and unlucky (Man la yahzaruhul Faqih)because the moral significance of dower as a symbol of man's interest and love is far higher than its financial and material value.

 Note: Immediately on the conclusion of marriage contract whatever has been fixed as dower becomes the property of the wife. If it is a piece of land, a garden or a sum of money, its benefits accrue exclusively to her. Only with the wife's consent it can remain in the custody of the husband and the benefits accruing from it can be utilized for conducting their common life.

 Obligations of husband and wife

After describing the concept of marriage from Islamic point of view and the rituals prescribed in connection with it, let us now refer to the obligations which it imposes on the two parties. These obligations include financial and human responsibilities.

 Financial responsibility

(Nafaqah)maintenance is a legal responsibility in the Islamic family system. Generally speaking it is of two kinds:

 (1) Maintenance conditonal on the pecuniary condition of a person having a right to it: For example children have a right to maintenance against their father (or mother) or the aged parents who are unable to meet their expenses have a right against their children.

 (2) Maintenance not conditional on the pecuniary condition of a person having a right to it, as wife is entitled to be maintained by her husband. Maintenance includes all necessary and conventional expenses. In the case of wife the husband is responsible to provide food, clothing, accommodation and all that is necessary for her comfort and running the household. Of course the financial competence of the husband is to be taken into considera­tion in the implementation of these responsibilities.

 Maintenance of wife has the following distinctive features: The maintenance of the wife is technically a debt of first liability and its payment should be accorded top priority.

 Her right to maintenance has an aspect of the right to demand, and it is not like maintenance of the first category mentioned above so that it may have only an aspect of a duty which if not performed for some time may lapse.

 Maintenance of the wife is obligatory on the husband even if she is well‑off, whereas in the case of the children and the parents it is conditional on their being poor and financially unable to meet their personal requirements.

 In case a husband, in spite of his financial competence, does not provide the necessities of life to his wife, it is a duty of the governmental authorities to order him to do so and , if necessary, pass a decree of separation.

 Maintenance of Children and the Responsibility of Guardianship

With the birth of a child in a family new duties and res­ponsibilities devolve on both the father and the mother. As the child is related to both, each one of them has to shoulder a responsibility commensurate with his and her natural, sentimental, and social conditions.

 As the women have been naturally provided with a system of bearing and suckling the children, they, with the birth of every child, have to undergo for about three years the rigours of pregnancy, delivery and the upkeep of the new born. During pregnancy and nursing they have a special responsibility to look after the infant. It is evident that even after this period a child requires a constant care and correct physical and moral fostering. In most cases he cannot attain the required spiritual growth and physical and mental development except under the caressing care of the mother. It is mother's deep love and tender affection accompanied by her self‑sacrifice which responds to the requirements of the child and nurtures his natural talents and faculties. Mother's lap is the first institution where a child receives his education. The first few years of the life of the children are the most impressionable age during which the foundation of their personality is laid under the care of the mother. All spiritual, scientific, literary and social achievements are mostly the fruits of the first seeds sown by the mothers in the impressionable minds of their children. If mother has to bear such a stupendous responsibility of the care and basic training of the child, will it be reasonable to expect her to undertake lucrative jobs and outdoor work also on equal footing with man and to struggle for meeting the economic needs of the family? Will such an expectation not be an injustice to her? Or will it be proper to take off the responsibility of bringing up the children from her shoulders and ask her to earn her livelihood even during the lifetime of her husband?

 Will it not be better that the means of living are provided to her in a respectable way and she is given an opportunity to devote her full time to the all‑round care of her child.

 Will not this equitable division of work between husband and wife in a way commensurate with their physical and spiritual potentialities, be a more respectable method of meeting the family requirements?

 Anyway, it is to be remembered that the question of maintenance, in the context of the family system in Islam, does not mean that woman is a parasite or that food, clothing, accommodation and other means of life are provided to her in consideration of her services to her husband. It is just a question of equitable division of work and duties based on the principle of joint efforts. That is why in case the husband is not competent to earn enough means of living; family sentiments and the spirit of co­operation demand that the wife should not spare any lawful effort in co‑operating with him in managing the affairs of their common life. A good deal of the instances of such co‑operation are seen in Islamic society, especially among the low‑income groups. Similarly it is not enough for the husband to provide merely the material means of life to his wife. In the absence of the spirit of sympathetic benevolence, joint effort and co‑operation the marital life will be but dull and dry.

 It may be mentioned here that the husband being in‑charge of family affairs, bears a grave responsibility, which like other similar responsibilities requires a sort of self sacrifice. For example, in the case of the administration of a country the presidential position is not meant to meet the personal requirements of the president, but is designed to ensure the smooth administration of the national affairs. It is necessary to obey him mainly because he pays. attention to his responsibilities as well as to the duties and responsibilities of his aides. Hence if he exceeds his limits and wants to misuse his position, he will have no right to expect others to have any regard for him. In the case of family affairs also the husband has been given certain rights, for example the right of the guardianship of the children till they attain puberty and that of giving consent to the marriage of his virgin daughter in addition to some other rights in connection with the management of domestic affairs. But he has been entrusted with all these responsibilities only to ensure the smooth running of the family affairs and to prevent the dissolution of family structure. Hence if the husband violates the limits in any matter, his powers will be reduced and he will not have that influence which he should have if he plays his role properly.

 Anyway, the principle, that the necessities of life are to be provided by the husband, is an important factor in bringing comfort to woman and relieving her of earning her livelihood. It gives her an opportunity to play her part in arranging the domestic affairs more effectively and comprehensively. The principle should not be construed to justify man's unrestrained domination over his wife and children.

 Moral and human responsibilities

Besides such normal commitments as the financial responsibility of the husband and the joint efforts of the husband and wife to satisfy the sexual needs of each other in a lawful manner, there are certain other basic and important principles which deeply affect the marital life. In fact its success depends on their observation. They give a special charm and delightful character to the conjugal relations which otherwise have a material and dry form of give and take. In the Islamic teachings these principles have been summed up in the following two maxims:

 (1) Mutual trust, the practical manifestation of it being the co‑operation between the husband and the wife in making their common life easy and smooth.

 (2) Abstinence from everything that may disturb their mutual confidence.

 According to the Islamic tradition the best wife is she who is sincerely affectionate and, according to the Islamic expression, wadud, that is one who co‑operates with her husband through the thick and thin of life and is helpful to him in all material and spiritual affairs. She should in no case add to his worries.

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